egg11/29September notesAmy's pissed at me because I left her in charge of something she didn't want and we hadn't worked out together. As punishment, she's ignoring any physical advances and intimate contact. I tried to initiate some and she said not yet, and we looked at each other. she started laughing;
why are you laughing?
because the sight of you is so incredibly evil it makes me twitch.11/17
I've been working like nuts - 14 hour days for a straight week, staying overnight. It's like final exams, like when Amy was in the art studio or the video editing room last year trying to graduate.
Our anniversary is either the 9 of november, or the 14 or 16 or something. It might be the 14th, but that's another anniversary for me. I knew I loved her the 9th, when we met, but she likes the first time we kissed or something.
anyhow, this year, those dates fell right in the midst of my work madness. We discussed it, I said I would be out of my mind in that period, and she proposed we don't even celebrate. After the hecticality had died down, I proposed we go out to romantic dinner, but between my work and her career stuff and our houseguest Tongsue, visiting friends from out of town, there hasn't been any time for romance.
So then the weekend after Gamers.com launches, she mentions she might leave town for a friend's birthday where many of her buddies are convening in San Diego. Sounds like fun for her - I say go ahead. I didn't have any other ideas. She asks me about it a few times, like "should I go?" "what would we do if i stayed?" and I didn't immediately offer any romantic suggestions so she's grown all bitchy on me and wants to leave because i'm not in touch with our anniversary even though she remembers it and cherishes it and all. she even admitted she was testing me!
I asked you, is there any reason I shouldnt go away this weekend? and you couldnt think of one. thats all I was pointing out. your lack of need for ritual in that way. its just an incompatibility. I know that it was a bitchy thing to do, but I just wanted to see. Im sorry. I know youve been really stressed, but so have I, and I remembered. I havent slept much more than you, and I remembered, because its important to me in some way. you cant help it that it wasnt on your mind.This reminds me of the kind of bullshit I was indoctrinated with when I grew up, reading my Dad's male books from the 50s - humour by Johnny Carson, cartoons of sheepish men being harangued by their carping wives, upset about a forgotten anniversary, or another conjugal slight.
And then Amy's mom, joking each time she sees me, "Where's the ring?" and now even Amy's picked it up - at first to joke, and then by repetition it starts to be this kind of wicked conformity.
I love Amy, I love working with her and hanging out with her and sleeping with her and cooking with her and everything else. We have spent so much time together, and she is my best friend. And I don't care to buy her a ring right now. Of all the things to spend money on! And Amy loses her housekeys once a month - what about an expensive ring? I'd much rather help her buy a good digital video camera so she can work on her art! Isn't that more romantic?
11/11
last night amy gave me a haircut when I came home from work at 11pm. That was awefully nice of her, so close to her bedtime. She said it was going to be "vanilla," but then it turned out "funky" - I like this haircut, she's a good barber for me.
11/3
amy has lost three sets of keys in the last three months. i'm trying not to take it as a sign.
meanwhile I have 29 unlistened-to voicemails dating back a month, and that somehow makes amy a little upset.